Rubbing My Two Brain Cells Together
I know!!! Brain cells are two words. But this is MY blog, and I said it's fine, so it's fine. Anyway: this is more of the typical blog where I put some thoughts that come to me when I have two brain cells to rub together. Hence, a brain cell party! This will be more random and may not even be related to biology. We'll see.
what chicken cordon bleu sauce told me about life
Date Finished: October 8, 2024
One sunny day in September 2024 while I was having lunch in the grassy grounds of the canteen in our university, I found myself captivated by the ants that were poking at the dredges of my finished lunch. I had chicken cordon bleu that day: chicken stuffed with cheese and ham drowned in some sour cream sauce. It was not a particularly delicious lunch, and I found myself disappointed by the sauce that was a bit too tangy and oniony in my opinion. So while I finished all of the chicken (it's protein!), I left the sauce alone.
This is what it looks like, if you're wondering.
Immediately the ants started to take interest in my food. There was an entire pool of sauce in there, along with some grains of rice. They're big black ants, around an inch in length. I wish I took a picture so I could get an idea of what their species is. But I wasn't into photography yet at the time. They poked around my plate, looking for treasure. I think they really liked the sauce, but because it was liquid, I saw no way that they would be able to bring it back to wherever their home was. That didn't stop them from trying. They probably like onion.
I was distracted by my phone and my thoughts for a while, but when I looked back at my plate, there was an ant swimming in the sauce. It looked like it was drowning. Poor guy probably got too greedy and waded into it, but the viscous liquid was too much for his small body. I tried to fish him out of the pool, but I was too late. He was no longer moving. So I set him aside at the corner of the plate as a warning for the rest of the ants trying to wade into the pool. I don't know if that's actually a thing ants can understand. Do they ponder death?
But it got me thinking. Recently I have been trying to manage my disposition and my productivity. It led me into thinking deeply about the things I value, about what I want to do, about how I manage stress. And the ant's death represented something that has always stood true for me but I didn't really give much thought: about how trying to take in too much at once can kill you. Perhaps not literally, as in the case of the ant, but mentally and emotionally. In order to succeed, to not die, I must balance myself in a way that I do not take on too many responsibilities, no matter how shiny they may be. This is an important reflection, given that I am AuHD. No matter how much I try to be otherwise, I am simply much easier to get overwhelmed than a neurotypical person. The debilitating anxiety, which I have harbored since my teen years, didn't help all that much either.
Several more ants tried to enter the pool. What fools they were. I was diligent this time in helping them get out of the mess they've put themselves in. That was when I saw another ant, who, to my surprise, merely poked a little at the sauce pool, and then proceeded to grab a lone grain of rice, carrying it easily with its strong body off back home. It was successful because it wasn't allured by the call of the siren. It looked around, saw the humble opportunities that everyone else ignored, and went on its merry way.
I wish to be more like that ant. Wouldn't that be wonderful?